Thursday, October 14, 2010

Lack of a job well done

Sometimes I really appreciate it when people don't do their job. Be it a job they are paid for with money, i.e., career, etc., or whether it be a job they get paid for with 'blessings'.

Take this morning for example. Last night as I was leaving work I was packing up my ear bud headphones. They are the type with the little rubber caps that sit in your ear canal, block out external sound, and sound pretty good. Anyway, the one fault with these headphones, (aside from the fact that they tend to get coated with ear wax every time they are used, no matter how clean you think your ears are), is that the little rubber pieces like to fall off the headphone piece and become lost in various random places. I've lost the little buggers a million times, and always somehow managed to find them. Well, last night when I was packing up to leave work, I gingerly wrapped up my headphones to put them in my bag and head home. I even have a little baggy I put the headphones in so other things in my bag don't accidentally knock the rubber bits off. I normally don't ever get them out at home because I'm too busy doing fatherly things like playing with kids, giving baths, reading books to kids, and laying by kids. But last night I had to fix a car. When I pulled the car into the garage, I went to my work bag to retrieve my ipod so as to listen to some music on my stereo in the garage whilst I labored on the auto mechanics. I was very dismayed to find that when I pulled the baggy out that contained the ipod and my headphones, one of the rubber pieces from the headphones was MISSING!!! I probed the innards of my work bag with my fingers trying to find the little piece, but came up empty-handed. I was sad. I've had these headphones for about two years and had grown quite fond of them. So, I sadly plugged the ipod in to my stereo and proceeded with the auto repair with a heavy heart over the loss of my beloved headphones.

Fast forward to this morning. I arrived at work, and what should I find, but my little rubber bit, sitting on the floor in my office. We have a cleaning lady that is supposed to clean our offices every night. Her duties include dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms and other general custodial work. She is not good at her job. The office rarely if ever gets dusted, something that has annoyed me, but which I've gotten used to. I assumed that she vacuumed daily, but I was glad to find this morning that she also neglects that job duty. Thank you, cleaning lady, for sucking at your job. I can now enjoy my beloved headphones for another day.

Another area where I enjoy people not doing their job is in the home teachers that are assigned to my family. I LOVE it when people do not visit me on a monthly basis. I am not joking. We've had several home teachers assigned to us over the years we've lived in this ward. The ones I've liked are the ones who agree to our arrangement, which is as follows:

I do not need you to 'check up on me' every month. Generally by the time you squeeze in your visit at the end of the month to meet your quota, you're already calling me to schedule the next month's appointment. This is not desirable to me. I have enough going on in my family and professional life to keep me busy 24-7, without also making time for you to come and give me a gospel message in my home. I attend church every week and if you want to 'check up on me' you can do so when you bump into me in the hall at church. If I need something, and deem the home teachers as the best solution to my need, I WILL CONTACT YOU. That said, consistent with the church's mantra of self-reliance, I tend to work my problems/needs out on my own and won't normally require the 'help' of home teachers or anyone else from the church. If I need to move, I pack, load, and move my things myself. If I need to clean up weeds in my yard, I am totally capable of doing so on my own. Save your service project for those really in need, such as elderly widows, invalids, and lazy people, none of which are in short supply in our ward. As long as you respect my privacy and desire to NOT have monthly visitors, then we can be friends, and you can count me as 100% for your monthly home teaching numbers. If not, and you insist on calling me every month to try to schedule a home visit, I will put you off, avoid you, and not return your phone calls. Please note: Unannounced drop by visits will be greeted with hostility and rude manners, possibly worse.

Sometimes the home teachers are fine with this arrangement and are even relieved to not have to call me every month. Others feel like they need to 'magnify their calling' against my will, and still insist on trying to guilt me in to letting them come by every month. (I would actually be fine with them dropping by for a normal visit, as long as I'm not busy with family responsibilities. The problem lies in the fact that they tend to drop by at the worst possible times (dinner time or tub time), and then not be able to take the hint that it's not a good time. Also, the problem is that they don't give a genuine crap about me or my family, have no desire for a normal friendship type relationship, but care only to push the mandated gospel message flavor of the month so they can return and report their statistical excellence/valiance in propagating the Lord's kingdom on earth, aka keeping up appearances.)

I have much more to say about home teaching, and home visits in general, which I will write more of later. For now, thank you cleaning lady that doesn't clean, and home teachers that don't home teach. I appreciate you sucking at your jobs.

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